How To Get A Girlfriend
by toyhto
Summary: Remus is just too shy to get a girlfriend himself, and Sirius wants to help. Soon he realizes that he’s succeeding almost too well. Remus/Sirius
1. Lesson 1: About Smiling

**Summary:** Remus is just too shy to get a girlfriend himself, and Sirius wants to help. Soon he realizes that he's succeeding almost too well.

**A/N: **My friend Sharra has been my beta reader for two first chapters. I should probably also say that, as you know, these characters etc. belong to J.K. Rowling.  
****

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HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND

Lesson 1: About Smiling  
  
"Prongs?"

"What?"

"Aren't you a little worried about Moony?"

It took a few seconds for James to get his eyes off Lily Evans, who had just crossed her legs in a very fascinating way.

"Why? What's wrong with Moony?"

"I was just thinking", Sirius said, "that he has no girlfriend."

"Neither have you."

"But it's different", Sirius objected. "I could have one, if I only wanted. Moony is so shy, Prongs. I don't remember seeing him talking to girls."

"He was just talking with Marie Collins yesterday. Merlin, he talks with Lily more than me!"

Sirius looked over his shoulder. Evans was playing with her long, red hair. James looked quite distracted.

"But Moony doesn't like Marie."

"How do you know that?" said James. It was easy to tell that his thoughts were somewhere else, and Sirius knew exactly where. Evans had reached for a book lying on the table, and her T-shirt was not really too tight.

"I can see it. Moony doesn't look at her like you look at Evans."

James blushed. "No. But have you ever seen him looking any girl like… that?"

"Like you're staring at Evans? No. Really, Merlin, no."

"So, maybe he just isn't interested in any girl right now."

"Yeah", said Sirius. "Or he is just too shy to admit it."

Evans had gotten to her feet. James' eyes followed her all the way to the stairways leading to the dormitories.

"I think we should help Moony."

"What?"

"To get a girlfriend", Sirius explained getting almost angry, because James didn't seem to find the topic important enough to drag his thoughts away from Evans.

"Why?"

"Do you want him to be lonely?"

"Padfoot." James' voice was gentle like he was talking to a child. Sirius didn't like it at all. "You don't even know if he wants a girlfriend."

"You're just too stuck in Evans to care about Moony's problems."

"What problems?"

"With getting a girlfriend."

"Padfoot, you have gone nuts!"

"Just wait", Sirius said, when a thought came to his mind. "If you aren't helpful, I'm going to help him myself. You'll see."

"You could at least ask if he wants your help."

"He wouldn't admit it", Sirius said cheerfully. "But I'm going to help him anyway."

James' face looked worried, but Sirius didn't care. Prongs probably was just thinking Evans again.

**-----------**

"You WHAT?"

"I'll tell you how to get a girlfriend", Sirius repeated patiently.

Remus was sitting on his bed reading a book that couldn't have seemed less interesting. Sirius didn't understand, why everyone was reacting this way to his plans. Okay, he quite understood that Remus didn't take it all well, because, let's be honest, he was quite shy. He probably was embarrassed about Sirius knowing that he missed a girlfriend but was too shy to get one.

"But why?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are beginning to sound so like Prongs."

"What the heck has James to do with anything?"

Well, at least the idea had gone into Remus' mind. He had almost sworn.

"I talked about you with Prongs", Sirius said trying to think fast. "He was also a little suspicious about the idea, but in the end I found out we share the same opinion, me and Prongs. You should find a girl."

"Why?"

"Because you want to."

"I don't exactly – "

"Moony, I know you are shy", Sirius smiled lightly. "Don't worry. I will help you. Do you have some girl in your mind?"

"No, I – "

"Well, that's even better. We can focus on getting you someone." Sirius grinned. "It's always good to be open to possibilities. Prongs should get it to his head, too."

"Sirius, I don't think this is a good – "

"You don't have to modest", said Sirius. "I'll look for a nice girl and then we'll get her to you. That's going to be great."

Remus was stared at him with a frown. To be honest, he didn't seem to be very keen on the idea, but Sirius was sure it was the shyness again. It was just a little barrier to overcome. He could manage it. Remus would get a girlfriend and they would all live happily ever after.

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah?" Sirius asked turning around. He had almost reached the dormitory's door. "Have you figured out a girl?"

"YOU don't have a girlfriend."

Remus sounded quite weird. He was probably just excited.

"Yeah", Sirius said slowly, "but it's not because I couldn't get one."

"Are you saying that I can't?"

"No! You just need a little help:"

"Really, you don't have to – "

"I'm glad to do this", Sirius grinned and stepped out of the door. "Don't be worried, Moony. I'll help."

He heard Remus muttering something that might have been "that's exactly what I am worried about", but he really wasn't listening anymore.

**-----------**

"First lesson", Sirius said. "You need to look like you are sure that any girl is going to fall for you."

Remus was sitting on his bed his long legs crossed and a very doubtful expression on his face. He was still missing the book, which Sirius had taken away to get his attention. Remus didn't seem to understand, how important this was, but that was going to change.

"Padfoot", called James, who was sitting on his own bed watching something that looked like a picture about really angry Lily Evans.

"Shut up", Sirius smiled to his best friend and turned back to look at Remus. "Well, let's see. You don't look that bad, do you?"

"I don't really know", said Remus, but now he looked thoughtful and not ready to run away. This was clearly progressing. "How can you tell?"

"You do look a little like a nerd." Sirius was talking mostly to himself. "But just a little bit. And on the other hand, you look clever. Some girls like clever."

James sighed. Sirius knew he was thinking about Evans. If this worked out and Remus got a girlfriend, maybe Sirius should try the same thing with James.

Until then, however, he should forget James and focus on Remus, who was now trying to hide his palms into his pockets in an uncertain gesture. Remus looked away from Sirius, apparently not liking that another person watched him so closely, but it was all for his own good. He should have understood it.

In fact Remus looked quite fascinating. Sirius wasn't sure if he had noticed it ever before, but now he certainly did. Remus wasn't really handsome, but he had something on him. Sirius didn't know for sure, what it was. Maybe it had something to do with Remus' quite tired but surprisingly light, bluish grey eyes or narrow, a little mysterious smile.

Remus was perhaps a little too skinny, but Sirius didn't think that would be a problem. He was quite sure that Remus had muscles, too. He had to, didn't he? After all, he was a werewolf. Maybe Sirius should check it out, but surely not know. Some day. He could accidentally rush into shower when Remus was there. He smiled.

"Moony?" he asked finding that Remus stared at him looking quite embarrassed. Merlin, the boy almost blushed. Sirius felt quite impatient. Why the heck should Remus be so awkwardly shy?

Remus blinked. Sirius did, too, and tried to figure out what he had been talking about. "So, what do you think of yourself?"

"Padfoot? Who do you think you are? A psychologist?"

"I'm just trying to help, Prongs!"

"Well, you're doing it in quite a weird way."

"Prongs?" called Remus. "Are you with him? Do you also think that I should have a girlfriend?"

James coughed throwing Sirius an angry glance. "Not necessarily. But you know, Moony, you read a lot – "

"So?"

"If Padfoot's right and you're just shy… you could give it a shot."

Remus sighed. "Okey. I'll… give it a shot. But I still think you're crazy. Both of you."

"Why us? Why not Wormtail?"

"He is not using his spare time trying to get me a girlfriend I don't want."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Of course Remus wanted a girlfriend. Why wouldn't him? "So, where were we?"

"You were asking what I think of myself."

"Oh. Yes. So?"

"So what?"

"What do you think of yourself?"

Sirius was really trying to patient. Still, he was sure that Remus was being… difficult just to irritate him.

"I haven't thought about that", said Remus, carefully, clearly trying to avoid answering.

"Do you think you are good-looking?"

"Padfoot."

"Shut up, Prongs, this is important. Getting a girlfriend is all about self-confidence. Moony?"

"I guess", said Remus very slowly, "hmm, I have two legs and two arms and a head. I guess I look like a human being. Which I am not, to be accurate."

Sirius sighed. He had so much to do.

**-----------**

Remus looked like he was scared. Well, he looked like he would have wanted to hit Sirius straight to his face, run away and never come back. Seeing Remus' eyes so full of expression was in a way quite fascinating. Sirius tried to concentrate on the business.

"Just remember to smile", he hissed, when dark-haired girl from Ravenclaw walked closer them. "Girls love smiling. You just have to smile and be nice."

"Nice?"

"Don't worry, you're always nice. It's like a sickness or something, really."

Remus frowned.

"Er, I meant that you can do it. You can be nice. Just go."

"Why Marie Collins?" Remus barked.

"You have talked to her."

"Yes, but I don't really fancy her that way – "

"This is just a practice", said Sirius and pushed him to the corridor. "Go!"

Marie got surprised, when Remus suddenly stood in her way. Sirius felt his own throat thickening. Well, of course he was worried about Remus. He almost hoped he didn't need to watch, when Remus greeted a girl with far too broad smile.

"Hi, Remus", said the girl, who was in a fifth grade and therefore a year younger than them, and in fact quite pretty, even though Sirius didn't usually find girls of Hogwarts either ugly or pretty. He didn't know, why it was so. Maybe the possibilities just were not good enough for him. Maybe he wanted someone… more special.

Of course he had snogged a few girls. It had been quite nice, really, even though nothing to compare with the glances James threw to Lily's direction. But Sirius wasn't a coward. He liked getting new experiments, and even though snogging girls in a corridor weren't his most precious memories, he had nothing against it. He could even imagine himself kissing Marie Collins.

He blinked. No, he shouldn't be thinking like that. No way. He was trying to get a girlfriend to one of his best friends, to his Moony, not to himself. To be honest, he really didn't want a girlfriend himself at all. He just wasn't interested. Too much trouble.

Marie was staring at Remus in a quite doubtful way that made Sirius wonder, if they had made a pranks lately and Marie had accidentally got in their way. No, he didn't remember disturbing the girl in any way, unless you counted him pushing Remus to talk to her. To be honest, she didn't look so happy about the situation.

"Well", Remus was saying, "I'm happy you liked the… the Herbs. I mean, the lesson, not the herbs, but… oh fuck. There's the Hogsmeade weekend coming, you know?"

"Yes", Marie said slowly.

"So, I was just wondering… just wondering, not anything too serious… I mean, if you wanted to come with me it would be great, but if you don't want to, it's also great. Not great, I mean, but I'll survive."

And Remus smiled.

Sirius blinked. THAT was a good smile. In fact, it was nearly an AWESOME smile. For a moment Sirius himself felt like saying yes.

"No", said Marie. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm going with someone else."

The girl left. Remus returned to the empty classroom, where Sirius had been watching him, and shrugged without looking any disappointed.

**-----------**

"I really don't know what we did wrong!"

"I don't care."

"You even smiled", Sirius muttered, "even though it looked quite stupid at the beginning… and you were so nice to her. Of course you babbled a bit, but that could have happened to anyone. Really. Even to me, or maybe not, but you know what I mean. How are you? Are you sad?"

In fact, Remus didn't look sad at all. He was staring a book with one eye and Sirius was quite sure that another boy was more interested in his book than him. Again.

"I'm not sad, Padfoot. I said I don't fancy her."

"But why wouldn't she fancy you? This was just practicing. You should have gone with her to Hogsmeade, so we would have a date situation next in line. Now we are stuck in finding a girl. Why wouldn't she say yes? Who is she thinking she is, refusing to like you?"

"Padfoot. Breathe, please. She wasn't interested in me, I wasn't interested in her. It's that simple."

"No."

"Yes."

"No. Who do you fancy?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I told you that I fancy no girl at the moment."

"At the moment? Some past big loves in your life, then?"

"No. Just irritating friends."

Sirius frowned. "Okay, then we'll just pick another target and keep on trying. How about Abbot?"

"Who?"

"Anna Abbot. The Hufflepuff."

"Why her?"

"She seems nice", Sirius said quickly.

"You mean that she seems too nice to refuse", Remus said sharply. "You really think I'm not going to get anyone besides Anna Abbot?"

"What's wrong with Anna Abbot?"

"Nothing. Just your attitude."

"I thought you told me to be kind to everyone."

There was a long silence in the dormitory.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes", Remus sighed. "I'll ask her, but you must remember that I'm doing this only for you, Pads. Get it to your head, do you? I don't fancy Anna Abbot."

"She has nice eyes", Sirius defended trying to remember, what kind of eyes Anna Abbot had.

"Yeah. With her glasses."

"That's what I meant."

"Right."

"Where are you going?"

"To ask Anna Abbot."

**-----------**

"Anna?"

Sirius sat in a bench a little further, when a blond girl stopped her walking to smile carefully to Remus. Merlin, Anna Abbot was tall! And she was thin. She was surely taller and thinner than Remus, but that didn't matter, did it? They were just practicing, and this time Remus smiled way more naturally right in the beginning. Sirius was almost proud. Of course, mostly he was happy with himself.

"Hi", said Anna, stopping in front of Remus. Sirius smiled and tried not to look like he was watching. He had just been taking a little walk in a nice winter evening enjoying wet, irritating snow. Anna Abbot had no reason to suppose that he was observing them.

"I was just thinking", said Remus smiling in a way that made Sirius feel uneasy. How could Remus not have a girlfriend with that smile? When he smiled, corners of his eyes wrinkled in a strange, nice way. Oh man. He really should concentrate on watching, not thinking Remus' smile.

"Er, no", said Anna. Sirius realized that he had lost the essential part of the conversation. Fuck. He should probably fake that he had heard everything. How else could he tell Remus, what he had done wrong?

But how could Remus have done something wrong? With THE SMILE?

"Well, it's okay", Remus said still smiling.  
"I'm sorry. I'm not interested in you, Remus. You seem to be nice, though."

"You, too", said Remus kindly. "Even though to be honest I was doing this for me friend."

"What?" Anna got puzzled.

"What?" hissed Sirius.

"Yeah, he's worried about me. No reason, of course, but you know how silly friends can be sometimes", Remus said, shrugging. Sirius felt a sudden urge to hit him. Quite kindly, maybe, he was still Moony, but hit anyway.

"And you are nice, so I asked you. But you don't want to go together and neither do I, so no harm is done."

Anna nodded. She seemed to be thinking, if she was supposed to get embarrassed or angry or not either of them, but before she decided, Remus had already walked away. Sirius tried to tell him not to come to his (what would Anna Abbot think he was, stupid friend who had no his own life?) but Remus didn't apparently want to understand.

"It went well", Remus said far too pleased.

*

"Why did you have to tell her?"

"You made me ask a girl out, Padfoot", Remus said dryly. "Two girls, in fact. Two girls I don't like that way at all, and you're pissed off because I told a reason, why I asked her?"

"Yes! It wasn't fair!"

"So it's fair to let her think that I like her?"

"Well, it was what you were supposed to do."

"Shut up", Remus said, but it was quite kindly "shut up". Sirius didn't even remember when Remus would have been really, really angry with him. Sometimes he got tired with the others, their pranks and jokes, but usually he just changed a tone in his voice.

Sirius frowned, when he realized how easy it was to remember different ways Remus talked. Maybe it was just because they were roommates, and classmates, and besides those, almost best friends. He had spent a lot of time with Remus. It was no wonder that he was able to recognize his mood from his voice even though the difference between tired Remus speaking and angry Remus speaking could be really tiny.

Maybe he should ask James, if he had never thought about Remus' different ways of talking. Or Peter. Surely they had noticed it too. Remus told so much with so little gestures. It was kind of fascinating, in fact, kind of mysterious.

"So, do you yourself have an idea, what you did wrong?" asked Sirius while realizing that he should have been teaching Remus how to get a girlfriend, and not thinking how interesting Remus was sometimes. Still, it was true. Remus' girlfriend was going to be one lucky girl.

"No."

"Not an idea? Not a single one?"

"No."

"Nor have I." Sirius felt frustrated. "Oh fuck. What did you say to her, by the way?"

"You were there, Pads."

"Yeah, but I don't remember it anymore."

Remus looked disbelieving. "You were there to tell me afterwards, what had gone wrong or right. Of course, the real reason you were there probably is that you are way too curious to live long - "

"No, that's - "

"- but I don't know it", Remus said determinedly. "I can't believe you are asking me what I said to her."

"What's the big deal with it?"

"This was your idea! I didn't want this! And now you aren't even interested enough to listen? What the heck were you doing there?"

"I guess", Sirius shrugged, "that I was thinking your smile."

"What?"

Remus looked shocked. Sirius was a little irritated, Remus really should have some common sense. It was not like the world was going to end, if Sirius was thinking his smile.

"Yes. Your smile. The thing your mouth does, when you're happy - "  
"I wasn't happy there."  
"Well, then I've taught you well. Your smile is astonishing."  
"Er", said Remus. "Thank you, I guess."  
"I can't understand, why Abbot refused."

Remus looked at him a little strange expression on his face. Sirius wondered, if he was supposed to ask what Remus was thinking, but he was really too busy thinking himself. This thing, getting Remus a girlfriend, wasn't going as well as he had hoped, but it would turn out to be better. Sirius would figure out something. In the end, Remus wouldn't surely be lonely.

**-----------**

A/N: Thanks for reading! You maybe noticed that I'm not a fluent English speaker, so there might be quite a many grammar mistakes in the text. Any reviews are welcome, thank you :)


	2. Lesson 2: About Kissing

**A/N: **Here comes the second chapter! I was very glad to notice that this story had got a review, thanks to _BLAHBLOT_. I was trying to improve with paragraphing, I hope it has got better. The second chapter had also a beta reader, my friend _Sharra._

**-----------******

Lesson 2: About Kissing  
  
"I found a girl!"

"Great", Remus said dryly, "although I thought you said you weren't looking for one."

"No, jerk", Sirius said cheerfully, "I found a girl. For you. For Hogsmeade."

"What?" Remus didn't seem happy, but he wasn't trying to curse him, either. It was definitely a good sign. "Who?"

"Katherine Jones. Fifth year. Ravenclaw."

"Oh." Suddenly Remus seemed quite satisfied. "Okay. I can manage with her. How did you make her promise?"

That was the question Sirius would have wanted to avoid. Of course, he had known that Remus would ask. He just had to think that this was worth being yelled at.

"Er, I…"

Remus lifted up his eyebrow. "So?"

"I had to persuade a little", said Sirius.

"What did you do to her? Sirius!"

"No! I did nothing illegal! You must believe me! I just… she found it a little weird that you weren't asking her by yourself, and I had to say that you were very shy but liked her very much…"

"Padfoot, couldn't you just - "

"Apparently she likes you", Sirius said wondering, why telling that to Remus didn't feel better. He felt like it was a bad thing. Maybe he was sick or something. He WAS trying to get Remus a girlfriend, wasn't he?

"She likes me? And you told her that I like her too? Very much? Pads, where is your MIND?"

"Just here. In my head, or maybe in my stomach."

"Well, your mind apparently isn't working quite well."

"I was just trying to do my work - "

He shut his mouth. Remus had turned away from him, looking so angry that he felt his throat thickenwith a feeling he completely disliked. He had noticed years ago that he didn't want to make Remus angry with him. Of course, he loved to tease Remus, make him rise his eyebrows or frown, make him pretend to be mad at him, but he never, never wanted to make Remus really angry. He also wasn't sure, if that had ever happened. Remus was always so calm, even when he was irritated.

"You aren't angry at me, are you?"

"Don't you realize?" Remus stared at the window. "She's expecting me to like her. She's looking forward to it. What if she tries to kiss me?"

"Moony, we're trying to get you a girlfriend here - "

"YOU are trying to. I'm trying to cope with your stupid ideas, so that you don't do something even more stupid."

"Moony."

"What if she tries to kiss me?"

"Would it be that bad?" Sirius said hopefully.

"Oh yes."

"Why? Have you ever kissed a girl?"

To his surprise, Remus blushed.

"Oh, you have! Who was it?"

"No! No, Pads, I haven't, and I'd like to leave this topic right now - "

"So why are you blushing then?"

"I'm not blushing."

"You surely are."

Remus turned to glare at him. Sirius was relieved, at least he hadn't really got mad with him, not the way he couldn't handle.

"You were glad when I told that it was Jones."

"Yes", Remus said slowly. "Katherine is nice. Far better than your other choices."

"So you like her?"

"Not that way. I'm not going to kiss her."

Sirius was frustrated. "Well, you picky prat, who would you kiss?"

Remus blushed again. Sirius was sure about it, he almost heard the blood running through his face and down the cheeks, but Remus kept his eyes straight forward and didn't say anything.

"Are you embarrassed about her? Doesn't she like you? I don't understand why she wouldn't - "

"Leave it, Pads."

"Evans doesn't like Prongs, and he talks about her anyway."

"I'm not Prongs."

"So she doesn't like you."

"Pads!"

"Why won't you talk about it? Tell me! I can't sleep, if I know that you have someone you would like to kiss and you're not telling me who she is… please? Moony?"

Remus looked at him with quite tired eyes. "I'm not talking about it, because I'm not sure. Understand? I don't know if I like that person that way. It just got into my mind, and with you messing it around all the time, it's no wonder I can't think straight. And I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay", Sirius repeated slowly, "you aren't sure if you like that girl, so you can practice snogging Jones."

"No."

"You should listen to her opinion, too."

"Kissing needs two people, Padfoot", said Remus looking at him. "Two willing people."

"Yes, but - "

"If I don't like her that way, I'm not willing."

Sirius sighed. "Well, but you are going to go to Hogsmeade with her, aren't you? You aren't going to disappoint her? And me?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I really don't see why you're so interested in getting me into a relationship."

"You need it, Moony!"

"I really don't."

"I'm just trying to help."

Remus smiled. It was a very small smile, but it was the first during the whole conversation and Sirius felt suddenly surprisingly lightheaded.

"Good. I'm going to go to find something to eat", he said.

**-----------**  
**  
**James was standing in front of the mirror hesitant expression on his face. Sirius wanted to roll his eyes, but he already had been doing that too many times that day.

"You're not even going with her", said Peter, who was washing his teeth and seemed way more normal at the moment.

"I just want to look good", James answered.

"If you happen to meet her.

"Yeah."

Sirius couldn't help it. He had to roll his eyes. "Prongs, Evans has seen you plenty of times! More! How would it be different this time? Prongs?"

James didn't seem to be listening. Sirius checked out, if his eyes were still looking at the reflection in the mirror and not far away, staring at imaginary Lily Evans.

"What are you staring at?" James barked, when he came closer.

"Your spirit hasn't left us", Sirius said. "Good. What the heck are you trying to do with your collar?"

"It doesn't look right."

"Merlin", Remus swore, "you are wasting your time with a wrong guy, Pads. Prongs needs your help far more than I do."

"I just want to look good! Is that wrong somehow?"

"Lily Evans knows how you look", Remus said with dry tone in his voice. "No offence, but your collar isn't going to change her mind."

"At least I'm trying."

Remus shrugged. Sirius stepped away from James and the brown-eyed boy begin to stare at his black hair that looked just like it always did. Sirius sighed and turned to look at Remus, who at least was sitting still and not overreacting about anything. In fact, Remus didn't seem to want to react at all, but it was the better option, wasn't it?

"Aren't you excited?" Sirius asked him hopefully. "At least a little bit?"

"Why would I?" Remus glared at him: "To fill all of your dreams of getting me with a girl?"

"Well, yes!"

Remus opened his mouth probably wanting to ask once more, why the heck Sirius was doing this, but fortunately the boy then shut it and let the question be. It was good. It was so difficult to make Remus understand, why he wanted him to have a girlfriend. Sometimes Sirius wondered it himself, but only sometimes.

Remus was so great, wasn't he? Of course he should have a girlfriend. And even though Remus would never admit it, Sirius was sure that somewhere deep inside the boy was quite lonely. Last year he had got tree letters from his parents. Sirius, of course, had not gotten any, but maybe that was why he felt like he understood Remus. Remus should have been happy, not denyit from** h**imself. Remus really needed someone.

Sirius slapped him on the back. "Okay, let's get ready."

**-----------**

Jones was smiling at Remus. Her dark brown hair was falling onto her shoulders and Sirius was sure that someone would have considered her smile very nice. The girl was pretty. In fact, James had muttered something about her breasts before leaving Sirius to watch them alone. Remus and Jones, not the breasts. James was probably trying to find Evans right now. Sirius almost hoped that Evans would have figured out a new way to tell James no. Evans just hadimagination when it came to James.

Jones was nice. Sirius was quite happy with himself, because he had managed to find such a nice girl for Remus. Still, there was something missing in the girl. He didn't know what it was, but it was far more interesting to observe Remus' expressions than those of Jones'. Remus looked the girl into the eyes, but Sirius could tell he wasn't really that interested in the topic the girl was talking about. In addition, Remus seemed a little nervous. His left foot was tapping the floor very quietly, and he had looked at the clock on the wall once or twice too often.

Sirius wondered, why he didn't feel more disappointed. It was probably because he had known beforehand that Remus didn't like the girl that way. Remus usually knew what he wanted. Of course, in a girlfriend issue Remus surely needed some guiding, but usually he knew if he liked someone or not.

And Jones wasn't clearly good enough for Remus. Remus needed someone more… special. Remus was so special himself. SIRIUS wouldn't have wanted to spend time with Jones, and Remus was thousands of times more intelligent and cleverer than him. In fact, he was beginning to feel that no girl at Hogwarts was good enough for Remus.

Of course that didn't mean that teaching Remus how to get a girlfriend had gone in vain. Remus could meet someone somewhere else.

Sirius blinked, when Jones and Remus got on their feet and were going to leave the pub. Sirius followed them to the street. It was snowing and quite romantic, actually, even though Sirius hadn't anyone in his mind at the moment. He should concentrate on helping Remus, then he would go and find himself a girl. If he wanted. Or maybe he would be too busy trying to ensure that Remus wouldn't ruin things with his brand new girlfriend.

"Let's go for a walk", Jones was saying.

Sirius tried to concentrate. Jones wasn't Remus' girlfriend yet, and hopefully - no, probably, he was just being reasonable - wasn't going to be, either.

Jones and Remus walked further, and Sirius followed them. He knew that Remus would notice him, but Jones seemedso keen on staring at Remus' face that she would probably not have seen Sirius, although he would have stood naked in the middle of the street. How charming. The girl apparently was too driven by her instincts, looking at Remus like that. Sirius frowned, thinking if he should take Remus away before the girl tried something nasty.

Oh, wait a minute. He was hoping that the girl would try something nasty, especially kissing. He should have been happy about Jones fancyingRemus that much. Besides, who wouldn't have liked Remus?

Sirius stopped. Remus and Jones had just stopped before him, and he had to hurry to hide himself in the shadows of the house opposite the street. Now Jones was standing very close to Remus, almost too close. Sirius felt a weird feeling that he didn't want this to happen, not at all. He didn't know if he had to laugh at himself or get angry. He was acting stupid, but knowing it didn't help. He quivered, when Jones' mouth touched Remus cheek.

And then there was a kiss - or wasn't. Sirius tried to see, but the snow was falling right in front of his eyes, Merlin, who had invented snow? He saw Jones moving back and turning around, and Remus said something, probably goodbye, and then Jones began to walk away and Remus turned to glare at Sirius with a grin on his face.

**-----------**

"Did you kiss her?"

Remus looked at the ceiling of "Three Broomsticks". Sirius didn't know if there was something interesting up there, and he really didn't care to find out. He just wanted answers. It felt really important, although he didn't exactly know why. Probably he was just thinking about the education. It was his job to make Remus kiss a girl.

"Moony?" His own voice was getting impatient.

Remus smiled very slightly. "Maybe."

"Moony!"

"No. Yes. Almost. I mean, she was trying to kiss me."

Sirius ignored the unreasonable relief that flowed through his body. "What? And you didn't let her?"

"I said to you", Remus reminded him. "I said that I wouldn't be kissing anyone unless I was willing to."

"You two seemed to have good time."

"We had."

"And you liked her."

"Yes."

"And you didn't let her kiss you."

"Yes."

"You're crazy."

Remus grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey to his hands. Suddenly Sirius was very, very happy about being seventeen and therefore able to buy fire whiskey. He felt like he needed it. He was nervous, although he didn't know why. Fire whiskey would cheer him up.

"I almost thought I could kiss her", Remus said slowly. For some reason Sirius didn't feel better at all. "I almost let her do it. It was like an instinct not to go for it when it really happened. Or maybe I was just scared."

Sirius got surprised. "What would you be scared of? Jones? She doesn't seem dangerous."

"I have never kissed anyone", said Remus in a light voice and stared at him. Sirius frowned, wondering whether Remus had got some fire whiskey beforehand. He seemed a little tipsy. "Do you get it? Maybe I'm scared of normal things."

"Normal things?"

"Like if I figure out that I can't kiss at all."

"No way."

"What?"

"Of course you can kiss." Sirius drank from the bottle and enjoyed feeling the warm drink washingthrough him. "It's not that difficult, Moony."

"Well, I can't know it."

"I've snogged maybe five girls, and it's always the same. You just do it. No thinking."

"I can't not to think."

"Oh yeah, you are so keen on thinking. Maybe you should just marry thinking."

"Pads."

"Where's Prongs? Or Wormtail? I need them. You're a little serious, mate, no offense."

"You're drunk, Pads."

"No. I'm just happy. You almost kissed a girl. Do you realize, Moony? You almost kissed a girl. It's a wonder. A victory. Not the whole victory, of course, you'll get so much more, but a little victory, nevertheless."

"Me almost kissing a girl is a wonder?"

"No offense", Sirius said quickly. "I have just never seen you doing it."

"That's because I've never done it."

"You're so clever, Moony, especially today. Your lips are nice, you know, there's no wonder Jones was in quite a temptation. It's your luck I was backing you up. Oh, I think I saw Prongs. PRONGS! WE'RE HERE!"

**-----------**

Now he was drunk. Of course he couldn't be sure, but there was some good evidence, like the ceiling that was moving right in front of his eyes. And he was staring at it like it wouldn't have been just a ceiling, yeah, that was an evidence, too. And the fact he felt all warm and happy and it wasn't even Christmas and Remus hadn't kiss his girl.

Yeah, there was a thing about Remus, too. He had to be tipsy, because he felt like Remus' smile would have been even more nice and warm and lovely and mysterious than usually, and that was a lot. He was a good friend. He liked his friend's smile. He was apparently very polite. Remus should have been proud of him.

He was almost happy that Jones had gone. Jones wasn't the right one for Remus. Now he was quite sure about it.

"Prongs?" he asked lazily, enjoying the slowly moving ceiling. It was quite nice. Almost beautiful. Oh fuck, he was thinking like a girl. "How did it go with Evans?"

"As always."

"That bad?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do?" Remus' voice asked.

Remus sounded quite normal, not as tipsy as the others. Peter had gone to his own world, probably full of nice, willing girls and good food. Not so bad. And James was laughing, but his cheeks were a little wet. It was weird.

"Just normal", James muttered with a smile in his voice, but quite a sad smile, Sirius noticed frowning. Oh, he should have been helping James, too. Maybe Evans would almost kiss James. "I told her she was beautiful. Well, she was, and I don't understand why she had to hit me because of that."

"Me neither", Remus said kindly. "Are you sure that she's worth all the trouble?"

"Yes!"

Sirius heard Remus move back. "Don't lose your nerves, Prongs. I'm just talking. No harm done. You can try Evans, it just… It makes me sad."

Sirius frowned. "Sad?"

He felt Remus and James to stare at him. "What?"

"Sad?" he asked slowly. "Why it makes you sad?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Pads", Remus said.

"You aren't in love with Prongs."

Sirius thought he heard someone pretending to puke. It sounded like James.

"No", said Remus. His voice was, hmm, not so kind. Not very relaxed, either. Sirius wondered why.

"I would know", he said ripping his eyes off the ceiling.

Remus stared at him with a weird expression on his face. Sirius didn't know how late it was, but Remus looked a little tired, a little sad and at the same time a little tipsy. He wasn't really smiling, but there was something like a hint of the smile already gone on his face. The combination was nice. Sirius found himself wondering how Remus' skin would feel under his fingers.

"If you fancied Prongs", he said cheerfully, "we wouldn't be searching you a girlfriend."

Remus said nothing.

"Yeah, you can't love Prongs", Sirius decided. "Too odd."

Remus looked rather uneasy. It was strange. Sirius was all happy. Remus should have drunk more.

"And the kissing", he continued and felt James coming a little closer to hear. "Why would you be afraid of kissing?"

"Is he afraid of kissing?" James asked perplexed.

"Pads, I told you."

"You CAN kiss, Moony", Sirius assured. "Everyone can kiss. Right, Prongs?"

James didn't look so sure. "I don't know."

"What? Haven't you kissed anyone, either?"

"Of course I have! You know it, Pads, you were there. The summer before the fifth grade, remember?"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah. Susie. She was nice. Pretty. Soft."

"If this is going to go any further, I'm not willing to hear." Remus' voice was irritated.

"No. We just kissed. I promise. I solemnly swear. I haven't done nothing but kissed. But you can't suck at kissing, you know."

"I think I sucked", James said suddenly. "When I first kissed her, Susie, I mean, it was like… like not kissing at all. I don't know. It was like the lips just happened to cling together. Not KISSING."

"Oh no", said Remus.

"Oh yeah."

"You're making him more nervous, Prongs", Sirius said. "Stop it."

"But I'm just talking about myself. And when I have been snogging other girls at school… not recently, it's so much more difficult to forget Evans when she's somewhere nearer than a few hundred kilometers away… well, it hasn't been any better. I'm quite sure I suck at kissing."

"You can't." Sirius felt sad, and he didn't like it at all. He was supposed to be drunk and happy. He wanted to get some more fire whiskey, but he couldn't find it, and didn't want to go and buy. He would have had to walk for it.

"Yeah", said James slowly, "maybe it was because of the girls. Or not their fault, necessarily, but maybe I just didn't like them enough. It was like kissing a slightly moving stone."

"Prongs, please, shut up."

"With Evans I would probably do better." James sounded even sadder, probably because kissing Evans was so far away from him. At least if one asked Evans. "I'm sure I could kiss Evans all night long. Or all week."

"You're obsessed. Badly."

"Yeah", James smiled.

"I don't have Evans", said Remus.

"Yes", James said very fast. "You don't have Evans. And don't you dare to - "

"I'm not going to get interested in her, Prongs", Remus said dryly. "Breathe. I'm just thinking… how can I know if I suck at kissing? I don't have someone like Evans, someone with whom I knew I could kiss all night long. Or even a minute. Or a half."

"I'm sure you are not that bad."

"But what if I am? What if I once in my life really want to kiss a girl and then she feels like she's kissing a stone, and I don't even know it?"

"You would be happier if you didn't know."

"That's not the point, really. I need to know, if I'm going to suck at it."

"Of course", Sirius started, not knowing why he was saying it, "we can always check it out."

"How?"

Remus looked at him with a weird expression in his eyes. The light of the pub was reflecting in them in a quite nice way. Sirius smiled. He felt warm and happy, and Remus WAS really nice, not just his eyes. And smile, of course.

"By trying to do it."

"What?"

"Er", said Sirius. Remus' face was so so close to his. He wasn't that drunk and he knew it very well. He could have just gone to the toilet and finish the familiar feeling in his stomach himself, but he didn't want to. And, after all, he was just teaching Remus how to get a girlfriend. "Er, Moony, I could kiss you."

And he kissed. Remus' mouth was all stiff and closed, but for a moment Sirius was so amazed of his skin touching his own face and fingertips that he didn't even remember to consider moving back. Remus smelled like, well, Remus, the scent on his skin was astonishing and nice and somehow very familiar, and Sirius wanted to fill his whole lungs with it.

When Remus opened his mouth, just a little, Sirius couldn't prevent the whine from escaping. It felt good. Strange and weird and somehow wrong, because it was Remus, his Moony, but at the same time it felt amazingly good and Sirius didn't ever want to stop.

Unless Remus wouldn't have moved back eyes staring at him scared and confused.

"You're good", Sirius muttered trying to catch his breath. "Don't worry. You're good at it."

"I think I'm going to puke", said James.

**-----------**

**A/N: **I'll be adding the next chapter quite soon, I guess, but before it I'd be very happy to get a review or two :)


	3. Lesson 3: About Listening

**A/N:** Thanks a lot for reviews :) Yeah, Sirius seems to be a little slow with realizing, but hopefully the situation is going better in the future.

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Lesson 3: About Listening

In the morning Sirius felt still tipsy. He should have had a headache, but no, he only felt like he would still have been a little drunk. He left his bed for the bathroom, and realized why he was feeling so weird.

Remus was sleeping on his own bed, or almost, because the blanket had nearly dropped off and one of Remus' legs was also out of the bed almost reaching the floor. Remus was lying on his back, thick brown hair all messy and another hand holding the pillow. It looked kind of… cute. Sirius wanted to protect him from falling from the bed.

Sirius escaped to the bathroom. His reflection in the mirror looked like it always did, besides his eyes. They were grey as usual, lashes were long and black like his hair, but today his eyes were uncommonly frightened. He didn't like it. He looked scared, confused, everything he had seen in Remus' eyes last evening, when he had kissed him.

Oh fuck. He took his shower cold and returned to the dormitory only to see that Remus was still cute. He tried to look away, but it didn't help. He couldn't possibly understand, when Remus had began to look like this. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought that he had some wicked kind of a crush on Remus.

He watched the clock. It was only six, no wonder that the others still slept. None of them was used to waking up this early, and Sirius felt more and more strange. There was something wrong with his head, maybe he had eaten something bad, but he always ate everything he could and still he had never thought Remus was CUTE before.

He took a deep breath. Well, of course Remus looked nice. He had known it, hadn't he? He knew he himself was quite good-looking and so was James, but not exactly at the same way. Girls in Godric's Hollow liked them both well. Remus hadn't done much sports and was therefore almost skinny, but in his own way he looked good, too. In fact, Sirius didn't remember that he would have ever seen Remus without shirt or trousers. Remus was shy. Sirius was quite sure that he had planned to check out if Remus had muscles under his clothes, just for the girlfriend project.

Fuck. Oh fuck. He was thinking Remus without a shirt. He REALLY was thinking Remus without shirt, or trousers. He wanted to hit his head against the wall. This was going really bad. Maybe he was just trying to think Remus as he would have been the girl who was to be Remus' girlfriend. Yeah, it definitely was because of that. He wasn't going to let the whole thing ruin his mental health. When Remus would be seeing someone, Sirius would forger everything. He would never remember that he had once thought Remus looked cute.

He sat down to his bed and watched Remus, who frowned still sleeping. It was… well, not cute. He should stop using the word, not even in his own thoughts. Saying "cute" was too… girlish. Remus was, hmm, he was okay. Remus frowning through his sleep was okay. That didn't sound too weird.

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Remus was avoiding him. He noticed it at the moment when Remus woke up. Sirius was still sitting on his bed and watching throughout the room. He was perhaps watching Remus a little more often than James or Peter or the window or an abandoned T-shirt under James' bed, but that didn't mean anything. When Remus woke up, Sirius' eyes just happened to be fixed into his brown hair. Remus blushed, got quickly to his feet and went to the bathroom without saying good morning.

Fortunately James and Peter were back to normal again. James was talking about Evans and paused only to watch Evans when she was on sight. Peter was trying to cheer James up and get the conversation change from Evans to food or cute fourteen years old Gryffindor girl, whose name Sirius couldn't remember although Peter had said it about fifteen times within last twenty minutes. Nothing uncommon, though.

Nevertheless, the whole day was awful. It wasn't just because James got even more miserable over Lily than usually, or because his moods were changing from "I'm dying for love" to "fuck Lily Evans", which could mean one thing or another. The awfulness was - partly, Sirius thought, just partly - because Remus wasn't talking to him. He couldn't even catch his eyes.

In the evening James had decided to stay in the common room a little longer, because Evans was there and had no pony tail in her hair. They all knew that the lack of pony tail was just an excuse. Peter had decided to stay to prevent James from doing anything too stupid like telling Lily again how much he adored her. Sirius had decided to get off. When he close the door behind him, he immediately realized that Remus was lying on his bed reading something. Sirius was sure that Remus had noticed him, but the boy didn't do anything but stared the book frowning.

Sirius swallowed. Well, he really wasn't going to stop talking to Remus because of one kiss, and what was the big deal, anyway? It had been all about getting Remus a girlfriend and a little amount of fire whiskey.

"You're avoiding me", he said.

Remus threw a distant glance at him. "Hi, Padfoot."

"It was just a kiss. I wasn't trying to rape you or anything, I was trying to find out if you were a bad kisser and needed some exercise before getting into the real action."

He thought it was quite well said. It sounded like he wouldn't have just been considering Remus cute. However, Remus didn't seem any happier.

"Are you mad at me?" Sirius asked beginning to feel more worried. "Should I say I'm sorry?"

"Are you?"

"If you want me to."

Remus stared at him. "No need to. I just… I had never kissed anyone, you know. I know you have, so it wasn't that big deal to you. I just… got surprised. It's all."

"Yeah", Sirius said. For some reason his heart was overworking.

"Yeah", Remus repeated. "And I'm sorry I was avoiding you. It felt weird."

"I didn't mean to."

Remus looked tired. "I know. Let's forget it then, shall we?"

"Yeah."

Remus turned his back to him and glared at his book. Sirius stand still on the middle of the floor, but when Remus seemed to be concentrated on reading again, he gave up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, Remus was sleeping. Sirius lay awake listening him to breathe.

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Sirius was back in the plan again. Remus would get his girlfriend and everything would be back to normal again. It had to. So he was more serious with this whole project than before, and because Katherine Jones had been quite a successful case, Sirius decided to continue with her. Or of course, Remus was meant to continue with her, but next days Remus was acting so confused that Sirius thought it was better that he told Remus what to do. And Remus surely wasn't ready for the next date yet, even though it had been proved that he was a great kisser.

Sirius tried very hard to silence the voice in his head, which was claiming that he didn't want Remus to meet Jones ever again. That was all crazy. Jones was a girl, wasn't she? She would be good enough until Remus found someone better.

"I think you should concentrate on Jones", Sirius said to Remus, when they were eating breakfast.  
Remus coughed for about ten seconds. Sirius slammed him at the back and he got some breath again.

"Why?"

"Because you like him."

"Yes, but not that way - "

"And she likes you", Sirius reminded, "probably just that way. It's like, er, one and a half persons who like each other. Quite well."

"One and a half persons?" Remus frowned. "Doesn't that sound a little wrong?"

"How?"

"I mean, shouldn't I have at least a crush on her?"

"I guess you'll live."

"Without having a crush on her?"

"Yeah", Sirius said watching James, whose fingers had disappeared into his hair, when Evans had sat down quite near them. "Falling in love doesn't seem to be such a good option. Look at Prongs."

Remus didn't. "Pads, I think we should stop this."

"What? I'm still hungry", Sirius grinned.

"Not working."

"What?"

"We should stop. This. Thing", Remus said slowly. "The whole plan about finding me a girlfriend. I don't want to have one."

"But you haven't got one."

"You have neither." Remus sounded a little… bitter. "Why wouldn't you just take care of yourself? Are you sure that you aren't worried about me getting one just because you are so obsessed finding a girl for yourself?"

Sirius thought about it. He was quite sure the idea was crazy, but everything Remus said sounded always so smart that he had to think about it. Remus didn't look happier at all, even though Sirius kept quiet almost a minute.

"I don't want a girlfriend", he said finally looking for another toast. He needed something normal. His head was going to explode because of all this thinking and Remus being cute and James throwing porridge towards Evans just to get to talk to her.

"Why?" Remus asked in quite dark voice. Sirius quivered. Remus' eyes were focused on him, and there was no chance he could have turned his eyes anywhere else.

"I just don't want to", Sirius said, being unable to find any better answer. "I don't feel like missing one. That's it."

"Neither do I."

"You haven't even snogged a girl. You can't know."

Remus seemed distracted. "Pads, I don't think that really - "

"You should try", Sirius said quickly. "With Jones, I guess. Please."

"I don't understand why this is so important", Remus muttered.

"I want you to be happy."

"I WAS happy."

"Please."

Remus closed his eyes. "Okay. Just because you're so weird and obsessed and I'm a kind person and don't want you to be someone else's burden."

Sirius was quite sure that he didn't want to be anyone else's burden.

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The full moon came as always: suddenly it just was there. As always, Remus got tired, and Sirius realized that he wasn't so interested in doing pranks or teasing Snivellus, when Remus didn't even bother to disapprove him. And then there was the night. Remus left for Shrieking Shack and the other three followed him a little later to wait outside until he had turned. Remus didn't want them to see it. Sirius found it even more difficult than usual to wait outside hearing all those painful screams and cries.

As a dog, he was so much happier. He barked and ran and barked and ran and sometimes there was such an interesting scent that he got all distracted, and then another, and when the wolf was howling and he remembered his job again, he just ran and barked and ran again. While being a dog, he sometimes wondered if it was more real than being a human. What if he really was dog, and a human being was his animagus form? What if he could live as dog and just keep on running and barking and sniffing?

Afterwards, when the moon had vanished and the sun was about to rise again, he laid in the Shrieking Shack not sure if he was a human or a dog. When he had enough strength to get his feet that apparently were pads and look around he immediately realized that he and Remus were alone. He could even sniff it and hear it. The stag and the rat had leaved the house, probably to get into their own beds. The wooden floor wasn't really that good.

Sirius didn't feel like leaving. He was happy where he was, yeah, so simple it was when being a dog. The rising son made him feel warm and reflected in Remus' hair. He got nearer and sniffed Remus' palm that was outside the bed, reaching for the floor. Remus' palm smelled blood, a little, but also very much Remus. The dog liked it.

Remus didn't look like he was going to wake up soon. Sirius had been so, so awake just a minute ago, but watching Remus sleeping wasn't so exciting and there was absolutely nothing to do alone. He would have wanted to run and sniff and bark and run, but the only thing he could do now was sniffing and it wasn't that funny, because all the scents here were familiar already. No adventure. So he was already getting tired, and he jumped to Remus' bed and went as near to the boy as he could.

Remus' hair was sticky with dried sweat and there were marks of blood on the sheets. Nevertheless, Sirius wasn't able to really be worried. The sun shining through the windows was so warm. Remus' chest was rising and falling under the blanket and Sirius could hear him breathe, he could even smell him breathe. It was so perfect. If he couldn't run, this was absolutely the best thing to do.

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"Pads?"

If he had been cat, he would definitely have been purring. Remus was scratching him behind the left ear and it felt so good that he wanted nothing else. He tried to get closer, but the boy took a better grip of his blanket and didn't let him push his muzzle against his bare skin.

Sirius shut his eyes and concentrated. He heard Remus gasp a breathe, and then he was a human again. He was immediately missing his mind as a dog, at least a little. The dog's mind was always so simple and Remus had scratched him and that had made him happy. Well, he wasn't sure if it had made him happy as human, and there was no way it could have been checked out.

"Pads", Remus muttered, "I'm naked."

"Oh."

"You're almost on my skin."

Sirius couldn't help but grinned. After being a dog for a while, he found it a little more difficult to worry about maybe finding Remus a bit too nice. He didn't have to tell anyone. If his mind was a little wicked, it was his own problem. After all, he was trying to find a girlfriend for Remus.

"Sorry."

"It's okay", Remus said sounding confused. "Er, I mean, don't be sorry, but could you move a little?"

"I'm very comfortable right here."

"Pads, please?"

"Oh, well", he said and rolled aside. Remus took better grip of his blanket and soon Sirius was able to see no more bare skin than that of his neck. He saw a scar that was clearly new. It was even red still.

"Have you been hurt?"

"It's not that bad", Remus muttered. "I'll get it healed in the hospital wing."

"But the scar is going to stay, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you like them?"

Remus looked surprised. "The scars? No."

"Why?" Sirius smiled weakly. Laying beside Remus was somewhat relaxing, and he was glad he had turned back into a human so that he could speak. "My bro- Regulus tried to make himself a scar, when he was about seven years old. He thought it was so cool."

"How?"

"Well, you know, it tells that you've had a fight or something - "

"No. How did he try to do it?"

"He found a knife from the kitchen. I told mum and Regulus didn't got his scar. It was fully healed. I was so jealous about the idea of him having a scar that I had to prevent it. I couldn't stand the idea of him having something I didn't."

"You can have my scars."

Sirius laughed. It sounded quite loud and odd in the empty house. "Thanks, Moony. I think you can keep them."

"You thankless prat", said Remus very kindly.

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"Do you think James is ever going to get Evans?"

Remus sighed. "I hope so."

"I'm not sure."

He felt Remus frowning. "Why?"

"It's just…" Sirius felt insane realizing that he was talking about this. It had to be because of the full moon and all the running and being a dog and his messy head. "It's making me an outsider. Even now, when Evans hates him. I don't get what he's talking about."

Remus was silent.

"I mean, of course I have fancied some girls. James' Susie, for example. She was nice. But if she had told me that she didn't like me at all, if she had just once told me to go away, I wouldn't have come back. James goes back to Evans again and again."

"I know what you mean", Remus muttered.

"Yeah? And sometimes I wonder if James has any pride. You know, what kind of a jerk must a man be so that he lets a girl mess up his head that way?"

Remus was silent.

"If they would start dating", Sirius head himself saying in a little louder voice than a whisper would have been, "he would have a whole different world. There would be a gap. Between us, I mean. You and me and Wormtail, and him."

Remus muttered something to his pillow.

"What?"

"Don't you feel the gap already?"

"What?"

"No. It doesn't matter. Forget it." Remus frowned. "I mean, they didn't stay."

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"Er, your stomach is growling."

Remus moved quickly so that his back was almost against the wall. He took the blanket with him. "Do you hear it?"

"Yes. It's quiet here."

"Maybe we should go to eat."

It was a long silence. A very long one.

"Should we go to the Herbs?"

"When we missed the breakfast? That doesn't sound good."

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"Padfoot?"

"What?"

"When are you going to give up? About the girl issue?"

"Not yet."

"Right."

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"Jones likes you", Sirius said ignoring the fact that Remus had buried himself behind three different books, each of whom looked boring and difficult. "So it shouldn't be too difficult to like you enough to kiss you, but it's always good to be careful."

"Who are you, stranger?" called James, who seemed far more interested in what he was talking than Remus was. "What have you done to my Pads?"

"I'm not yours, stag."

"Well, what are you talking about? Being careful? I thought Moony was a good kisser. Why aren't you just telling him to go and snog the damn girl?"

Sirius didn't know the answer. He opened his mouth and then shut it and hoped that Evans would be somewhere near so that James wouldn't be able to make questions.

Why didn't he want that Remus would just go and kiss Jones? He was quite sure that Jones would find the arrangement quite nice. Peter would get encouraged and would try the same with the blond Gryffindor girl, whose name Sirius just couldn't remember. James would be happy because of Remus finally getting some snogging. The only reason why Sirius didn't tell Remus to do so was that Remus would have probably liked it, too.

The idea of Remus kissing Jones disturbed him, even though he had decided they would become a couple. Maybe it was just too early. Remus wasn't ready for kissing, was he? Last time he got kissed he had been avoiding the kisser one whole day. That couldn't happen with Jones, otherwise Remus would lose her. So the boy apparently needed some preparing.

"Girls want to talk", he said. Surely Remus listened, even though he stared his book with such an intensive glance. "You know, it Prongs, don't you? With Susie?"

"Merlin", James rolled his eyes, "she wanted to talk."

"They are all that way", Sirius said knowingly, although he wasn't sure if he had ever had a real conversation with a girl. Or at least if a conversation wasn't supposed to involve a lot of snogging and quite few words. "They want to talk about, er, things. So, Moony, you have to get prepared."

"Mmmh."

It was clearly an agreement. "Great. Jones is probably going to talk about her friends, or just randomly about something. I don't really know Jones, in fact - "

"Surprise."

" - but you shouldn't be confused, if you want to snog her and she's just talking - "

"I'm not wishing to snog her, Pads."

Sirius felt glad.

Oh fuck. He shouldn't. He frowned and tried to figure out something to say, something about how Remus was wishing to snog Jones, of course, and push her against the wall and put his fingers through her brown hair, and the whole image was just making him nauseous.

Until the picture changed a little. Jones' hair became darker until they were whole black. In fact, there was no Jones anymore.

"Pads? Are you all right?"

"Yeah", Sirius barked rushing to the stairs.

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**A/N**: There're two more chapters still to go…


	4. Lesson 4: About SelfConfidence

**A/N: **Thanks a lot for the reviews, you made my day :) Here comes the next chapter!

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Lesson 4: About Self-Confidence

""Evans smiled to me!"

"No, I haven't made my homework, dad, I'm doing it later." Sirius blinked, when James' words got finally to his head. "Wait a minute. WHAT?"

"She smiled to me! And it wasn't even a dry smile, you know, she smiled like she could tolerate me!"

James' face was covered with the stupidest, the broadest smile Sirius had ever seen, and the black-haired boy's eyes were sparkling crazily because of the knowledge that Evans, Lily Evans, had finally showed some kind of tolerance towards him. Sirius didn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say to a blind person, who finally sees en empty tea cup after thirty years, anyhow?

"That's so great, Prongs", said Peter smiling broadly, though in a little wicked way, too. Sirius supposed he should also have been smiling.

"Yeah", he said. "How did it happen?"

"I was thinking those idiotic things you are trying to get Moony believe", James said cheerfully, "like listening the girl, and smiling. And so I smiled to her first."

"You have done that millions of times!"

"Not really", said Remus, who was laying on his bed with a book, again. "I guess Prongs is usually grinning, or talking, or joking, or trying to get Lily's attention using the most weirdest and worst ways. So this is clearly progress."

"I never thought it worked", James confessed. "No when I had been trying everything. Do you remember when I knelt in front of her in the fifth grade and she just hit me? And after all I just smiled, and she smiled back, and… oh no, I'm SO going to smile again…"

James was walking around looking confused and overwhelmed. After a moment Peter took a grip of his shoulders and made him sit, just to ensure that he wouldn't crash into the wall or something. Sirius wasn't sure why he couldn't be all glad because of James' success, but the more he thought the better it felt, anyhow.

At least one of his advices had gone into the target. Of course, the others had been quite successful, too, considering the fact that Remus had a potential girlfriend called Katherine Jones, who had tried to kiss him. Sirius felt his stomach trying to disagree, but he shut it out of his mind. Remus would get his girlfriend. Sirius would be happy for him.

He sighed. Well, at least he wouldn't be thinking about Remus that much anymore. Everything would go back to normal.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**  
**  
In the same evening Sirius had to admit that seeing Jones was beginning to feel like seeing his mom, whom he just hated. He would have wanted to throw a fork at Jones or hex her or take her to meet a dragon. He even wondered if there was a possibility that he could have said to Jones that Remus had changed his mind and was now sacrificing his life for growing herbs. No girls, just plants. Remus wouldn't have minded. He had said he wasn't so interested in Jones, anyway.

But Sirius couldn't do it. Admitting he hated Jones was terrible enough. He had to stuck with the plan, because otherwise he would have had to think about, if he REALLY was considering Remus cute besides the girlfriend project, which was a good excuse - no, reason - for his messed head. And he didn't want it. He couldn't even think about, well, fancying his almost-best friend. The whole idea was just impossible, so he put it aside.

James had been smiling to Evans the whole day. Probably the poor boy just couldn't help it, because within an hour Evans had began to look very irritated, and James still kept smiling. When he tried not to smile, his eyes were doing it anyway. It was just ridiculous. Sirius couldn't understand, how anyone could be so obsessed about another person. Especially girl. Friends were another thing, indeed, but girl? And what was so special with Evans anyway?

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong", James said in the evening, when they were in the dormitory all four and he had just got hit by Evans. "I was just smiling. In the morning she was smiling back."

"Maybe you're trying a bit too much, Prongs", Remus said very kindly.

Sirius didn't understand, how Remus was able to sound like that. It was like he would have been really interested in James getting Evans, although Sirius was sure that Remus was as bored stiff by the whole issue as he was. And still there was no hint of boredom on his face. Sirius didn't know any other person who could do it, only Remus.

"I was just smiling", James muttered.

Remus sighed. "Relax, Prongs. Don't worry. If Evans is meant for you, you'll get her."

Sirius blinked. "Do you really believe it?"

"No", Remus said, his voice almost sad. "Not really. But you can always hope, can't you?"

"But if it's not true, why are you saying it to Prongs?"

"He's seriously lacking self-confidence. Even though I don't believe I'm really saying this aloud, because you two are the most selfish, short-minded, self-important persons I know, but that's what he needs. When it comes to Lily, Prongs just doesn't trust on himself. I guess that's why he's acting so stupid."

Sirius was amazed, although he wasn't quite sure he understood everything Remus had just said. Well, he could think about it later. Remus sounded always so clever, when he said something serious.

"I wasn't acting stupid", James defended, "I was smiling."

"Yeah, this time, and it was the first normal thing you have done near Evans since the third grade."

"Well, the normal things weren't working on her - "

"And you didn't trust yourself enough to believe that being yourself would be enough to change her mind."

James seemed confused. Remus' eyes were beginning to sparkle, when he got more and more interested in the topic he was talking about. It was enchanting. Remus moved forward pushing his thick brown hair away from his eyes and crossed his legs. And smiled. Sirius gasped and tried to look away. He was acting so childish, being amazed by his best friend's smile, but he couldn't help it. Fuck Remus Lupin.

Oh no. No. Really. No.

"Lily doesn't know that you aren't really such a prat you're trying to pretend to be", Remus said. "But YOU know it. You know you're better than Lily thinks. You know she would like you, if she just got to know you."

"I'm not sure - "

"Shut up", Remus said in a low, quite soft voice, which made Sirius quiver. He wanted to hit his head against something hard. A stone would have been great. "If you don't believe it and Lily doesn't believe it, who does? Me? Wormtail? Padfoot? No way, it's between you two. At least one of you has to believe in getting together."

"You should get Pads' job, Moony", James said still perplexed. "You're talking much better than him, although I'm not sure if I got it."

Remus frowned. "Well, if Pad's job is about getting me a girlfriend, I'm not really going to take it. I don't even want a girlfriend."

"He's mad", James said cheerfully. "Well, I think I'm going to go not to smile to Lily."

He hurried to the stairs. Sirius blinked when Remus turned his familiar bluish eyes to stare at him.

"Do you think he really meant it? Going to go not to smile to Lily?"

"Probably."

"Oh, fuck."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**

It was almost eleven. James hadn't come back and Peter had eventually decided to go find him. Sirius had considered it being a great idea. He was doing hard work trying not to imagine the situation with James staring at Evans, staring and staring and not smiling.

When Peter had gone, Sirius realized that the idea hadn't been that good. Remus had disappeared behind a book called "Dragons And How They Are Affecting On Our Society" which probably wasn't nearly as interesting as its cover, green dragon staring at a crying baby, was trying to proclaim. Sirius was sitting on his own bed. He had nothing to do and to have nothing to do made him always want to do anything, usually something what he shouldn't really have been doing.

And now Remus was there, just a few meters away from him. He could easily have reached to hit Remus' knee and joked about him reading so much. He wanted to do it. The problem was that he felt like blowing up, when Remus just frowned or scratched his neck while reading.

He shut his eyes trying not to think Remus, but it was just impossible. There was something that was really, really wrong with him, and he was beginning to realize that it was not all because of the girlfriend project. He wanted to climb to Remus' bed and hold him close, hearing him breathe and sometimes sneeze. He wanted to feel his chest to rise and fall, and to do everything else he could have easily done, if he had just been a dog. Remus seemed to like dogs. But now Sirius was a human, and the worst thing was that he didn't want to turn into a dog to put his nose to Remus' cheek and smell him and feel him. He wanted to do it as a human.

"Moony?" he said almost surprised from sounding so normal.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you like Jones?"

Remus put the book away to stare at him. "I've never said I didn't like her."

Sirius felt something sinking inside him. "What?"

"I just said I wasn't interested in her… that way." Remus seemed distracted.

"What way?"

"You know."

"What?"

"Er, I don't… I don't want to snog her. Or touch her."

"Are you scared?"

"No!" Remus frowned. "Or maybe yes, I have never… or I mean, if you don't count, you know, the kiss in "The Three Broomsticks", I never…" Remus was blushing hard, "well, it's new to me. I could be afraid. But it's not all that. I just don't want to."

"Don't you want to kiss anyone?"

Remus turned away looking through the window. "Er, maybe. But really not her."

"But you like her."

"As a friend."

"Like me?"

"Pads, what's wrong with you?"

Sirius felt his throat thickening. Had Remus noticed something? Had Sirius been staring at him without noticing doing it? Had Remus realized that he was still thinking the kiss? "What? Why?"

"I don't know", Remus said irritated. "You are just asking so many questions. You know I don't fancy Jones. I don't want to talk about it all the time."

"Well, yeah", Sirius stammered. Remus hadn't noticed. It was great. Really. Sirius just had to stop noticing himself.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**  
**  
In the dream he was a dog. It was full moon and they were running in Forbidden Forest. The snow was cold and soft and irritating, because it got stuck on pads and made it more difficult to reach a good speed while running, but nevertheless, it was all perfect. The wolf was in a good mood getting to run through the forest, the stag was following it carefully with the rat on his back, and the dog, yeah, he was running for all he was worth. It was just great, great, all running and sniffing and barking and hearing the wolf howl quite happily and then running again, jumping over a fallen tree and then barking and running. It was heaven.

And then there was no snow anymore. The stag and the rat had vanished, too, and the dog was alone with the wolf that really wasn't a wolf anymore. There was just Remus, laying in the floor eyes closed like he was sleeping, and probably he was sleeping, he couldn't possibly be dead because this was a happy dream and the dog felt so cheerful. Yeah, Remus was just sleeping, he smelled alive.

The dog got closer. This time there was no blanket Remus would have been able to disappear into, and the dog lay against his side and felt all the bare skin so soft, besides the scars, of course, but they were just fascinating. He pushed his muzzle carefully against them and followed the one that was going over Remus' nipple and down his chest. Remus frowned but didn't seem unhappy. Well, the dog certainly wasn't, either

And then the dog vanished and there was Sirius with his too big legs that couldn't fit anywhere, and his long arms that were holding Remus' shoulders before he even realized it. It felt even better when he was a human, to feel Remus' skin and his scent and touch his chest and neck while he was still sleeping.

Besides, Remus wasn't sleeping anymore. He had opened his eyes and Sirius didn't know when it had happened, but Remus didn't look any terrified, just smiled to him like he had smiled to Marie Collins. Sirius didn't want Marie Collins to exist. He just wanted Remus, and Remus' hands that were now against his own sides and Remus' mouth that had reached his', and he was all happy and warm and fuzzy while kissing Remus until he couldn't catch a breath anymore.

He didn't want to wake up, and when he did, he didn't want to look at Remus, whose bed was next him. Eventually, he did. Remus was still sleeping, his hair falling to his face and hands holding the blanket like he would have been afraid of someone stealing it from him. Sirius blushed and rushed to the bathroom.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**

"Prongs? What would you do, if you fancied someone you weren't allowed to?"

James looked terrified and angry. "Are we talking about Lily?"

"No!" Sirius denied immediately. "Yuck. No offense, but Evans isn't my type at all."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure I even now what your type is. Really, Pads. I like Evans, Wormtail prefers blonds, Remus thinks he's too clever to fall for anyone, and you like anything with legs, arms and boobs."

Sirius coughed.

"So, who are you thinking about?"

"What?"

"You fancy someone who you aren't supposed to. Who is it, if not Lily?"

"Why the heck did you think it would be Evans?"

"She's pretty and clever and nice - "

"Shut up."

"Really. I don't understand why you don't like her."

"Should I?"

"No! Pads!" James frowned. "What were we talking about?"

Sirius sighed. It was ridiculous, how easy it was to get James distracted by mentioning Evans. James hadn't got control. Sirius couldn't imagine liking anyone so much.

Er. Fuck. Yes, he could, but it was just Remus again and he just maybe liked him a little too much, not anything serious. Sirius wasn't like James, who wasn't able to think anyone else than Evans.

Remus had laid without a blanket in Sirius' dream. The real Remus would never have done it, Sirius was sure about it. Sirius and James didn't have a problem about wearing nothing, but Sirius didn't even remember, when he had seen Remus without a T-shirt. He felt frustrated.

"Pads? Where are you?"

"What?"

"Your eyes were wandering."

Sirius felt blood flushing through his veins and straight to the cheeks. He blinked.

"I guess you should think carefully."

Sirius frowned.

"I mean that girl you're fancying even though you shouldn't. But really, you should ask Moony. He would be far better than I'm with this subject.

"I cant", Sirius said immediately. "Er, I'm trying to get him a girlfriend. I'm not going to mess his head up with my things. And I didn't say I was talking about myself. I don't fancy anyone."

James raised his eyebrow.

"Okay, I might."

"Then I think you should check, how much you like her and why you're thinking you're not supposed to fancy her. If he has a big brother who's going to kill you if you shag her, I'd say back out. But otherwise…"

James shrugged. Sirius tried to concentrate on eating, but it was difficult. Oh man, there was really something wrong, when he couldn't even eat properly. He should get his head examined.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**

**  
**Someone was taking a shower, Sirius heard it immediately having come into the dormitory. He closed the door behind him and was going to sit down, when the bathroom door opened.

"Oh", said Remus, who had just a towel on him, "sorry. I was taking a shower, and I just meant to take my trousers - "

"Go ahead", Sirius said trying to stop staring and, oh, fuck, blushing.

Remus throw him quite a doubtful glance, but he tried not to notice it. He had to focus on breathing. Merlin, he couldn't recognize himself! When Remus turned around to get his trousers from the closet, Sirius couldn't help gazing at his shoulder blades. Remus was so thin, not perhaps too thin but bloody near to it, and his back was full of different scars. Sirius gasped.

"What?"

"Ha?" Breathing was quite difficult. Fuck Moony and his scars and light, soft-looking skin.

"You said something."

"No." _I'm just gasping in a very friendly and normal way, because your back is just looking so gorgeous it makes me want to bite you_. "I just… breathed."

"Well, I guess I'm going back", said Remus confused and turned back to the bathroom.

"Moony?"

Remus turned to look at him. Sirius swallowed hard. It was difficult to concentrate on finding something… normal to say, when Remus hadn't got a shirt. He had been imagining how Remus would look like, and well, his imagination hadn't surely been good enough. He forced himself to stare at the other boy's eyes instead of everything below it.

Remus had blushed. His cheeks were all red and he seemed very uncomfortable. Sirius felt suddenly ashamed. What the heck was he doing, staring at Remus and making him embarrassed? He was making them both embarrassed, he was destroying all. He could claim that he was just throwing a fast look at his friend, but it would be one fucking lie.

"I just thought", he said slowly, trying to gather the words, "the self-confidence you were talking about. Why are you always keeping your shirt on? Is it because of the scars?"

Remus looked surprised. He took a better grip of his towel and seemed to be trying to relax, but couldn't succeed in doing it. Sirius felt almost as nervous as Remus looked. Couldn't he have waited, until Remus had had clothes on?

No, his mind argued. This was non-clothes-issue. In addition, he didn't surely want Remus to put his clothes on.

"What should I do?" Remus asked dryly, but there was something very confused in his voice. "Walk around without clothes? Just to show I'm fine with it? You and Prongs seem to be doing it sometimes."

"Well, we just - "

"I get it", Remus said with a bit tired tone. "Pads, you and Prongs, er, you've done Quidditch for years. I just mean, it's not all because of the scars. Even though I don't like them, either."

"Either?"

Remus looked very distracted. "Have you been looking at the mirror lately, Pads? I know you have, you're always doing it. Don't you see? There's a slightly difference between me and you or Prongs."

Sirius frowned. Remus looked frustrated. "You have muscles, see? I have scars."

"I'm jealous."

"Shut up."

"I like your scars", Sirius said.

"You said this was about self-confidence", Remus remarked, "and now you're trying to get me have one. I know that, Pads. Please shut up."

"I'm serious."

"There's no need to that. Really. I can manage with T-shirts."

"Moony!"

"And about self-confidence: I'm not going to need it, right?" Remus sounded surprisingly bitter. "Because I'm not going to get a girlfriend. Because I don't want one."

He slammed the door. Sirius was quite sure that he was supposed to wonder why Remus had sounded bitter telling he didn't even want a girlfriend, but his head was so full of everything else, especially pictures that shouldn't have been there. He was surely damned.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**

**  
**Sirius wasn't avoiding Remus, really. He was just being reasonable. He was apparently incapable on a few things while being in Remus' presence, and because they included for example thinking and speaking without being a mindless moron, he chose not to spend so much time with Remus.

It was difficult. At breakfast he sat between James and Evans, and it was sheer torture with James trying to watch Evans every time he felt like doing it, and that meant all the time. Sirius would have wanted to laugh at him with Remus, but he couldn't make himself look at Remus' eyes. Fortunately Remus seemed a bit distracted, too, and didn't wonder why Sirius was acting so weird.

In the evening Sirius missed Remus so much that it was really difficult not to hit James, who was talking about Evans. Remus hadn't said almost anything to him during the whole day, and even though it was probably mostly Sirius' own fault with all the almost-avoiding, it sucked. When he came to the dormitory, he knew he had to do something, and the only possibility was to focus on getting Remus a girlfriend. Sirius didn't really want Remus to have one, and Remus was still too shy to admit wanting himself, but something had to be done. Sirius would find Remus' lost self-confidence, and Jones would be delighted to get a date with him.

It was too bad that Remus wasn't in the dormitory.

"Where's Moony?"

James looked confused. "I'm not sure. Why?"

"I just… need to talk with him." Sirius swallowed. "About girls."

"For his own good, I really hope he's far away."

"Prongs, you're being a prat."

"Well, so are you. Why are you so obsessed with it, anyway? You're driving him mad."

"Am not."

"Oh yes", James said, "you are. And apparently yourself, too. You look quite messy."

"Don't you really know where he is?"

"He's got a girl", Peter shouted from the bathroom. "I guess he left with Jones."

Oh fuck.

It was good news, wasn't it? And Sirius felt like being in Titanic when it sank.

Remus had changed his mind. He had decided to get a girlfriend, and now he had one or would have in a few minutes. They would be snogging each other senseless and Sirius couldn't walk through the castle ever again, because he had no idea where they would be. Jones would put her nasty, small fingers to Remus' hair and suck his face and everything else, and Sirius felt just nauseous thinking about it.

"You look weird", James said, but he wasn't really listening. "Pads? Where are you going?"

He had no idea.


	5. Lesson 5: About Falling In Love

**A/N:** And this one is the last chapter…

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx******

Lesson 5: About Falling In Love

It was almost too easy. Fortunately Sirius didn't tend to get pangs of guilt, otherwise he wouldn't maybe have been able to lean against the bookshelf in the library and try to peer through the books to see Remus with Katherine Jones, who was apparently trying to get closer to him. Sirius wanted to puke. Jones looked so eager. Her eyes were almost sparkling, when she looked at Remus. Why didn't Remus push Jones away?

And then Sirius wanted to hit himself. Of course Remus didn't push Jones away. Sirius couldn't see Remus' eyes, but probably the boy was as eager as she was. It was disgusting and wrong and -

Besides the fact that it wasn't surely wrong. This was everything Sirius had hoped, and now the only reason why he didn't intervene was the fact that Remus would have killed him. Or worse. Remus could have figured out why Sirius would have done it.

"Remus", said Jones with her soft, nasty voice. "Could you give me a piece of advise?"

"No", hissed Sirius.

"Yes", said Remus friendly. "Go ahead."

"I was thinking, well, you know…"

Oh Merlin. Jones was blushing. This couldn't possibly end well. Would Remus kill him if he leaned to bookshelf a bit too roughly and it fell to hit girl's head?

"…I kind of like a boy", Jones continued looking straight to Remus' eyes. "He's very nice, and good-looking, and I can't get him out of my mind. I was just thinking, well, how should I go forward with it?"

Remus blinked. He looked confused, but also a little… happy? Relaxed? Oh no.

"You want me to tell you what to do with a boy?" Remus repeated. "With some particular boy you're fancying?"

"Yes." Jones sounded like a cat preparing to purr.

"Er", said Remus, very confused. "I think you'd better tell him. I mean, isn't it the normal thing to do?"

"Well, then", said Jones very warmly and Sirius wanted to kill her. Or maybe himself. He should have been cheering from a pure joy and here he was, making a list of possible ways of killing Jones. There were plenty, by the way.

"Remus Lupin, I like you. Very much", Jones said.

Sirius swallowed.

The expression on Remus' face turned disturbingly slowly. The glance on his eyes became frightened and shocked.

Relief flushed through Sirius' veins.

"I'm sorry", Remus muttered. "Really sorry. I know I have smiled to you and so on, but I… I don't really like you that way. You're very nice, but… I just can't."

Sirius wanted to hug him. Well, he had wanted to hug Remus many times before, but this would have been an INNOCENT hug, just because Remus had just made him feel so… relieved. He felt like an air balloon on the sky, even though he should probably have been sad.

"Why?" Jones asked, sounding a little desperate. Now Sirius wanted to hug her, too, because she wasn't apparently someone Remus would have fancied. Poor girl.

"You just… well… I just don't fancy you", Remus said sadly. Sirius couldn't understand, why Remus was sounding like that. JONES should have been sad, not Remus!

"Do you have someone else?"

Sirius felt his throat thickening disturbingly fast.

"Perhaps", Remus said. "Or… yes. But, er, the person doesn't know it. So it's not like I would have been seeing someone."

"Well", Jones took a deep breath, "I got it. I guess I have to let you be, then."

"Katherine – "

"I think I'm going to leave." She stood up. "Bye then, I – SIRIUS BLACK?"

Sirius grinned. It was probably just an instinct, because when he considered it, disbelieving and very angry Katherine Jones standing in front of him when he had been hiding from her wasn't really the first thing in his list to grin at.

"SIRIUS?" Remus called out, also disbelieving. "PADS? What the heck are you doing here? In the library? Don't you… were you LISTENING to us?"

"Did you know about this?" Jones shouted her eyes in Remus.

"NO! I swear! I didn't ASK for him to come here – "

"So he just happened to be here? Remus, I thought – "

"I don't know what he's been doing here." Suddenly Remus sounded very tired. "Honestly. He's just a curious git, I guess."

Jones opened her mouth, but her words seemed to get stuck on his throat. In a few seconds, the girl had turned her back to them and rushed out from the library.

And then there were just they two. Remus was standing in front of Sirius looking angry and disbelieving and disappointed, and Sirius found out that it felt even worse than usually.

"Couldn't you possible use your brain, Sirius?" Remus hissed. His real name sounded distant and cold in Sirius' ears. "You just don't go around and listen other people talking about their own personal issues – "

"Sorry", Sirius muttered.

"Oh, please, shut up", Remus barked, but didn't suddenly seem so angry anymore, just tired. "I get it. I should have known that you're a complete jerk who can't mind his own business."

"I'm not – "

"You ARE." Remus threw a faint glance at him. "I need to get away from here."

"Were you serious?"

"What?" Remus turned around.

"About what you said to her? That you don't fancy her?"

"Sirius Black, I have told you hundreds of times, that I don't fancy her or any other girl. Could you just go and be someone else's trouble?"

And he left. Sirius stared at the door closed by him and tried to realize, why he felt like something in Remus' words hadn't been in the right place. There was something that was really disturbing him, like a gap between what Remus had said earlier and what he had said now, but Sirius couldn't really think clearly enough. Well, it hadn't probably been anything important.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**  
"Are you avoiding me?"

"No."

"Are you talking to me?"

"Not really", Remus said behind his book.

"Why?"

"I'm reading."

Sirius sighed. Remus had been reading since Sirius had entered the dormitory, and it had been three hours ago. Sirius hadn't really known that he had this much patient. Remus didn't want to talk to him, and for some reason he couldn't just forget it and do something else.

"Are you angry?"

"No."

"Moony!"

Remus put his book away. Sirius couldn't help a little smile escaping through his face. At least Remus didn't seem to be angry, and he looked at Sirius. It was a good sign, wasn't it?

"Pads, listen. I just had to tell a nice girl that I don't like her, even though I had probably made her believe so. I don't feel like talking right now."

"Are you sad?"

Remus looked distracted. "Well, I'm not sure. Not really. But I wasn't suppose to let her hope."

"But I was pushing you."

"Shut up", Remus grinned and then sighed. "Yeah, you were. But I knew I shouldn't have listened you in the first place. Really, you giving advice about relationships? I knew it was crazy. I shouldn't have believed you."

"Why did you?" Sirius wasn't sure, why he was asking all these question. It just… Well, Remus was speaking to him now, who knew how long he was going to keep on doing it? And for some reason Sirius really wanted these answers.

"Maybe I thought I should have a girlfriend", Remus said very slowly. "Maybe I thought it would have been a normal thing to do."

"None of us has a girlfriend", Sirius reminded. "Not me, nor Wormtail or Prongs."

"It's not the same."

"Yes, it is."

"No. You've had at least five girls. Not such long relationships, but still. And Wormtail was seeing that blond Ravenclaw at least for a month last spring."

"Yeah, but Prongs has no hope."

"He has a girl, the girl hasn't just got it yet."

"So he hasn't."

"But if Lily ever likes him, they are going to get together", Remus said. "I'm not."

"With Evans? I hope so!"

"With any girl."

Sirius sighed. "Why? Where's your proud, Moony? If you are thinking those scars again, I can assume you that they are just hot - "

He swallowed. Remus was looking at him very carefully, frowning slightly. Eventually, Remus let his glance to drop to stare at his hands and Sirius took a deep breath.

"I'm not talking about scars", Remus said, "I'm just… I don't… I don't even know what I'm talking about. I can't just picture myself seeing someone, right?"

Sirius should probably have denied the claim or at least shook his head, but he couldn't do it. He was just beginning to realize that Remus wouldn't end up being together with Katherine Jones, and, what was even better, Remus wasn't angry with him.

When the boy eventually shrugged and returned to glare at his book, Sirius couldn't help himself watching him. Remus looked so serious while reading. Occasionally his eyebrows rose a little or he made a little gesture of sniffing, and a few times he shut one of his eyes like he had been thinking really hard. Sirius was quite sure that he wouldn't be hurrying to get back to the girlfriend issue.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**  
"Have you ever fell in love?"

Remus looked at James in a quite confused way. Sirius tried not to stare at him, but it was beginning to be almost impossible. He blinked and tried not to look like he was listening their conversation. He didn't probably succeed in it, but what was the problem? James surely knew that Sirius was going to listen, even though he had managed to be silent past five minutes. If James had wanted to talk with Remus alone, he would have gone somewhere far from Sirius and Peter, who was making his Potion homework.

"Moony?"

Remus looked uncomfortable. "Er, I… Why are you asking?"

"I was just thinking", James said innocently, but the second the words had slipped away his mouth, his expression turned into much more sober and sad. "I've been trying to smile to Lily, and nothing is happening. Lily just looks at me like doubting if I'm going to bite his head off or something. And then I try to ignore her and she seems to get even angrier. And if I try to suggest her something, she hits me, and then I try to ignore her again and she seems like she WANTS to hit me."

Remus didn't apparently know what to say at all. "Prongs, I don't really know much of girls…"

"I'd like to get her out of my mind", James said fiercely, "but then she passes me by and I can't help it, she's just so much more EVERYTHING than anyone else, and I can't forget her…

"Er, why don't you try to ask Pads?" Remus suggested carefully.

"Pads doesn't know how to have a proper conversation."

"Well, he surely knows more about girls than I do."

"Why? Lily talks to you – "

"Yeah, about school."

"I tried to talk with her about school once and she just walked away."

"I'm sorry, Prongs." Remus' voice was almost desperate. "You really should try Padfoot. He has had a lot of girlfriends and I have had none."

"But you're cleverer."

"He could try to get you together with Lily."

"You're trying to avoid his help."

"Yeah, but I don't even want any girl – "

"Don't you really care for anyone?"

"Er, not exactly – "

"I've known all the time that Sirius is just a moron trying to make you like someone – "

"I'm still here, you two!" Sirius called out. "Couldn't you at least pretend that you like me?

Both boys turned to look at him.

"I thought you were thinking", said James and grinned, "or not really. I just thought you weren't listening. Your mind seemed to be somewhere else."

"Where should it have been?" Sirius asked annoyed.

"Well, I don't really want to know about your fantasy world – "

"Shut up, Prongs."

"I'd be delighted to", James said with a broad grin that lowered into a tired smile. "I don't really know what I'm going to do with Lily. Nothing's working."

Sirius shook his head. Maybe it was time to leave the dormitory. This was apparently one of the days, when James couldn't simply think anything else besides Evans. Let Remus handle him and the conversation about something like love.

Besides, Sirius felt his throat thickening and panic beginning to rise, when he thought about Remus and love in the same sentence. Merlin, he had surely lost his mind. Liking Remus in a little unconventional way and thinking about love were two definitely different things, and he would have loved to throw them both away from his messed mind.

He had already reached the door, when he heard Remus swallow.

"Afterwards I'm not going to confess having said this", Remus began speaking with a quite distracted tone, "but maybe you should simply show Evans how you're feeling."

"I've been doing it since third grade!"

"Yeah, but you're changing the way all the time. Maybe she doesn't know what you're really up to."

"After all the smiling and date-suggesting?"

"And all the ignoring and bulling, when you were still in the third grade and thought that the best way to get a girl is stealing her books", Remus said dryly. "Really, Prongs, if I was Evans, I'd be really confused."

Sirius shut the door very quietly. James and Remus seemed to be so deep in their conversation that neither of them noticed him leaving. Leaning against the closed door Sirius heard Remus' low, hesitant voice.

"I think, when you really like someone… eventually you have to show it. You can't keep it inside forever."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**  
James looked like he had rushed into a mountain made of gold. Or into Lily Evans.

"I made it!"

"What?" Sirius got frightened. "Did you turned Filch into a frog? Without me? Prongs!"

"Shut up", James said cheerfully and sat down to his bed a broad grin tattooed on his face.

"No", Sirius denied. "We were talking about the frog issue at the breakfast. I wanted to be involved - "

"It's not about frogs", Peter guessed. "That's the Evans smile, not the frog smile. Prongs, what did you do? Is Evans all right?"

"Is she alive?" Sirius wondered.

"You two should get your heads eaten by a dragon", James wished smiling. "No, I haven't turned anyone into a frog and yes, Evan's all right. She's more than all right, in fact. She's going to help me with Potions."

There was a short silence in the dormitory.

"WHAT?" Peter called.

"POTIONS?" Sirius barked. "And that's what you're grinning at with your face looking more stupid than Wormtail's, when he got a date with Kylie Callaghan?"

"I wasn't looking that stupid!" Peter denied quickly.

"You were."

"It's not possible."

"Don't you realize?" James interrupted them, still grinning. "She's going to help me with Potions. She has promised to spend some of her spare time with me. Until this, she hasn't even looked at me!"

"Besides the smiling a few days ago", Peter reminded.

"Yeah", James sighed happily. "I thought it was the best moment of my life, but this was far better."

"How did it happened?"

It was Remus. Sirius turned to look over his shoulder to the corner of the room, where Remus was sitting on his bed and watching James with a careful smile on his face. Remus looked so patient, and so… serious, and Sirius didn't even want to tease him about it.

"She was sitting in the common room", James began, "and I just went there and sat down next to her. And I smiled. It wasn't so bad idea, after all. And I said I was sorry about being such a jerk and that it's just because I like her and I have a great ability of embarrassing myself in front of her and trying to impress her and then just embarrassing myself a bit more. And then she laughed."

"Laughed?" Peter frowned. "She laughed at you?"

"WITH me", James corrected, "or at least not in a mean way. And then she smiled and didn't look like planning to hit me, and so I went on. And I asked her if she could help me with Potions, and she said yes."

Peter swallowed. Remus smiled. Sirius had an odd feeling that the world had turned around.

"I need to get some air", James said suddenly.

"Remember to breathe", Peter called after him.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**  
Two hours later James hadn't come back, and Peter had gone to find him. Sirius was quite sure that it was because he and Remus were so boring company at the moment. Sirius knew that he should have tried more: he was probably acting very weird, but his mind was full of colliding and escaping thoughts. He was able just to sit there on his bed and try not to stare at Remus, who was writing something.

Sirius would probably soon have a headache. Thinking didn't clearly make any good for him, but he couldn't stop it.

James had got Lily Evans, or not maybe exactly, but he was much nearer the target than he had ever been before. James had got Evans without Sirius' help, and his attempt to help Remus in the same issue had just turned into something weird with him kissing his friend drunk and then finding himself considering him cute.

Sirius didn't definitely know what to think.

"Pads?"

He blinked. Remus was staring at him with a weird expression on his face. The boy seemed confused or even scared.

"Were you listening, when I spoke with Prongs yesterday?" Remus asked with a careful tone that made Sirius' heart go faster. "About, er, liking someone?"

Love. It had been about love. Sirius felt a sudden urge to escape, but he couldn't move when Remus was staring at him like this, so… almost intense.

"Yeah", he said. "I mean, you both knew I was here, and you still kept on talking - "

"I'm not blaming you", Remus said quickly. "I just, you know… I said… that when you like someone, it's going to like burst out eventually?"

"Yeah. I heard it."

"Well, I…"

Remus shut his mouth and swallowed. Sirius almost heard his breathing or the blood running through his veins, it was so silent.

"There was… another reason for why I didn't want you to get me a girlfriend." Remus laughed a little. "Well, a reason why I didn't want a girlfriend in the first place. I… I guess I don't like girls."

Sirius swallowed. "Well, you have told me that. You told me that there's no any particular girl in your mind - "

"I don't like girls", Remus repeated in a nervous, strained voice. "Not at all. I don't want to kiss a girl, I don't want to stroke a girl, I just… don't fancy girls."

Sirius stared. He wasn't sure if he had understood what Remus was saying and then, slowly, the words got into his mind and he blinked. Remus was looking at him with a scared look on his face and he wanted to say something but he couldn't possibly think what he should have been saying.

"Are you disgusted?" Remus whispered. "Pads, please, I'm sorry - "

"No", Sirius gasped trying to find words for something he couldn't even figure out in his own head.

"Don't be sorry. You… I… I'm not… disgusted. I'm not disgusted, really, Merlin, no."

"You look upset", Remus said slowly, but his face wasn't maybe as scared as it had been a few seconds before.

"So do you."

"Well, yeah, I… I thought you would be… more shocked…"

"Well, I'm…" Sirius shut his mouth. He didn't really know, what he was. "Why did you tell me?"

Suddenly Remus looked even more nervous, if it was possible. He stand up and Sirius thought that he was going to go to the bathroom, but he then stopped aside Sirius' bed and stared at him with his big, scared eyes. Sirius had no time to think or consider or even move back, when Remus had bent down and kissed him.

Sirius couldn't breathe.

Besides, he didn't miss breathing.

He felt Remus' lips very carefully and shyly on his own, smelled the scent of Remus' skin and felt the fingers that were now leaning gently against his cheek. He kept his eyes closed and just hoped that no one would enter the room.

Sirius stood up. Remus tried to move back but he didn't let him, he just grabbed Remus' arms and pulled Remus carefully against him. He felt Remus short breaths on his face and it felt just incredible, to have Remus so near that he could sense him breathing besides hearing it, and at the same time he felt more afraid than he had ever before. His stomach was full of animals trying to fly away, not just butterflies but something much bigger, like cats or maybe lions, and his hands were shaking when he touched slowly Remus' neck and cheeks.

And then their lips were together again. Sirius wasn't sure, who was kissing whom, but Remus' lips were now narrowing slightly and he tasted so incredible, so Moony, a little like coffee and a little like breakfast and very much like Moony.

Remus moved back when Sirius was just beginning to realize what was happening. He opened his eyes and saw Remus looking at him with an expression very much alike the one before kissing, scared and perplexed, but now amazed, too. Sirius didn't want to think how his own face looked like, or his own eyes. His head felt like it would have been able to explode in any moment.

"Was it an accident?" Remus whispered in a very low an quite hoarse voice that made Sirius quiver. Remus' eyes were wide and there was an open question in them, and, if Sirius had learned anything about his expressions during the yeas, there was also a word: please.

Sirius shook his head.

"I'm sorry", Remus said quickly. His voice was beginning to tremble. "I just… when we kissed in Hogsmeade, I just couldn't get it out of my mind… I wasn't interested in getting a girlfriend earlier, either, I didn't just want to, and then it began to feel just impossible… and I realized that I liked you, really, Pads, I'm sorry, I tried to deny it but I couldn't, and then I was keeping it inside and felt like exploding all the time, and you were just trying to get me a girlfriend, and I didn't know what to do so that I wouldn't lose everything, and then… then I was talking to James about confessing, and I couldn't keep it anymore…"

"Shut up", Sirius said and kissed him.

Ten minutes later Sirius head was still fuzzy, messy and full of Remus, but, nevertheless, he felt better than he had for a long time. What had he been thinking, anyway, trying to get Remus a girlfriend? Mission was definitely impossible.

**THE END**

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**A/N:** There it was. Thanks so much for all the reviews! I didn't know what to expect when I published this fic, since this is my first that was written in English, and I'm so happy you've read this and wrote reviews, too. This is the last chapter, then, and I hope you like the ending. I've already began to write next fic, it's called For Some Reason and can be found here in . If you happened to like this one, please feel free to check that, too :)

Thanks to all of you for reading!


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